New Beginnings

A belated Happy New Year to you all!!!  I have not been on much lately--trying to sort out the clutter mentally.  It seems we stay so busy doing all of the things that we have to do, that we have precious little time to do the things that we want to do.  I have decided that until I get my studio organized I am not going to start any new projects.  It is cluttered and cramped--there's no Zen.  I want to get it cleaned up and reorganized--make it fresh but have had little to no time to really get it started.  As most of you know we had an extraordinary hot and dry summer and we lost alot of trees.  Big, old, Grandfather trees.   Some of the trees were close to the house.  One tree in particular--a 6o year old, 90 ft. oak.  There was really no good place to throw it--we removed the cyclone fence and gates.  Tied it with a cable, hooked up to it and began to cut.  All I can say is it was a fiasco.  The tree didn't go down where we had planned, instead it snapped off and fell to the right.  When it fell to the right it took out the cat house, a limb went through the living room wall and some damage was done to the roof of  the house.  So, our three day weekend was spent making repairs--actually we still are.  I  need to assess my life--too much going on all of the time.  I feel like everything around me is running me.  There is no time to do what I want to do because I always have things that I have to do.  I know that I am not the only one who has to face this, we all do.  With the demands of work, family and outside influences, the time that we spend doing what we want to do is sliced in little bitty pieces.  How did our mothers manage. Many of them lived for home and family but I want more than that.  I mean I want to do things that I love doing, not just things that I need to do.  How many of our mothers put their desires aside because that is what was expected of them.  Maybe my resolution this year needs to be different, maybe it needs to be something besides the standard "lose weight and get fit" mantra.  Maybe I should start meditating and soul searching.  My mind feels mixed up and confused and I have very little patience with those around me.  I know that when I feel trapped I lash out--maybe that is my problem now.  Maybe I am lashing out at the people I love because I feel trapped by the situation.  It isn't a problem that anyone can fix, it is something that I have to work through.  Hope you all have a happy and prosperous New Year.  F.